This may actually be the funnest column I’ve ever written.
We all know how much Winnipeggers — in fact, let’s be inclusive of all Manitobans — love FREE. Getting what they perceive to be worthwhile stuff... FREE!
I know I do.
So I thought maybe it would be fun to browse through some of the free stuff being advertised out there, and just see what a person might pick up, aside from bedbugs. Read carefully, and you might even get something free from ME!
I chose some of my faves to share with you — no names, addresses or websites of course, for privacy reasons (you’re welcome to hunt them down on your own) — but wow, this stuff is fascinating. Edited for space...
Let’s begin with this fab find: "FREE queen-size box spring. It is cut in half to fit into a small space, but easily screws together and is very sturdy. Good quality."
Right. Well, maybe it was good quality — but hey, maybe I’ve found a taker: "I’m needing a queen-size box spring and couch ASAP! It would be greatly appreciated for a drop-off. I don’t have a vehicle right now." Well, that’s a bit high-maintenance, isn’t it? Probably needs a screwdriver too. Still, might work out.
Wonder if the same "shopper" needs a queen-size mattress as well? "FREE queen mattress in the backyard along the sidewalk. The mattress isn’t in great shape, but is bug-free." Maybe not after sitting out by the sidewalk it isn’t, nor mouse-free even, not to mention local dogs marking their territory on it. Still, heck of a deal.
Need some wood? You’re in luck: "Old cedar boards from a fence, perfectly good for a bonfire, or the dump, or crafts maybe." Translation: "Please come haul this crap away so I don’t have to." Clever!
Looking for a recliner perhaps, electric at that? "Free electric recliner. Electric recline works, but it gets stuck at a certain point because the leg lift is not working." I’m thinking a recliner that declines to recline is NOT working, making it "perfectly good for the dump." Pass.
Need a camera? Here’s a bargain: "Free Fuji digital camera, has a battery that appears swollen." That can’t be good. The word explosion comes to mind. Next.
And who would we blame if it weren’t for pets: "Free leather sectional. One cushion is chewed by a stupid dog. But you can still use it, you don’t see it. And it is still sittable."
So would the real estate peeps call this a "character couch"? A marvellous addition to any home, I’m sure. Snap it up.
Free clothing. Need some new jeans? How ’bout these: "Three pairs of jeans that are ripped/torn at the crotch." Huh? I just can’t think of anyone who wouldn’t want a pair of those. Chilly for winter, though.
Here’s my fave FREE find of the day: "Sugaring student is providing FREE mobile bikini/Brazilian hair removal services... in order to gain practice hours."
Wait a minute, waaaaait a minute. As legit as this may be, we also may be wading into Dr. Phil territory. I mean, I mean, well, you know what I mean. Nevertheless, if legit, best wishes for a successful, rewarding career. If not, thanks for the humour.
In closing, what’s free from me today? A doghouse, that’s what. An insulated doghouse.
The inside measures 40 inches long, 24 inches high (floor to ceiling) and 28 inches wide. It is in excellent condition except for needing a cosmetic makeover; paint it to match your dog or husband.
Please enter your name via my contact info below, and please really need it. I’ll draw from entries received by this Monday. Good luck!
Comments or feedback, love to hear from you!
lmustard1948@gmail.com
