Mow, mow, mow your lawn

Could someone please invent self-mowing grass? How about grass that you can control the height of with a remote while sitting in your comfy chair and watching sports on TV?

That would be nice.

Yes, mowing season has arrived. No complaints, I love the season. Mowing grass is way better than removing snow, whatever the method. But I don’t think it’s too whiny to say mowing two very fast-growing acres over the next three months till it slows down will get a bit tedious. Especially while feeding the cloud of mosquitoes around you with your blood. Much flailing and cursing.

I think my dear old 23-horsepower riding mower may be on its last legs. A lot of hours on this old soldier. But I keep the oil changed and sharpen the blades fairly often and I try not to hit blade-bending obstacles, although I’m pretty good at running into things while trying to mow too close to buildings and trees. The cowling is not happy; it doesn’t quite sit the way it used to.

However, since as yet the grass won’t mow itself — and it has to be done — riding a hydrostatic toy is a lot better than pushing either a motorized or non-motorized lawn mower, electric being a pain because of cord control.

Yes, I’ve actually been alive long enough that the only lawn mower we used when I was growing up was a walk-behind manual like the one you see here. These were not used to mow two acres, but nevertheless were used on some pretty big lawns in their day. This one’s now an ornament. No doubt the grandkids will work off a lot of energy trying to mow each other down with it. As long as they cut some grass in the process, I’m good.

I wouldn’t mind switching to one of those newer, double-stick steering babies with the really short turning radius, but they’re a tad pricey.

We’ll see. The good news is I have another older hydrostatic riding mower at the lake that I don’t need out there anymore — and grandchildren of age to drive it here in the city. Two good-sized mowers going at once would make pretty quick work of my yard.

Hi Will. It’s Grandpa Mustard. Love you. Tyler, Ryan and Nolie aren’t quite old enough to operate one of these safely yet, but they’ll get there. Love you, too, guys. I’m seeing rakes and a wheelbarrow in your very near future.

One thing that’s helped in the last couple of summers is I have a fairly large area that has a lot of clover in it (lots of dandelions in there too), which the deer, the bees, the bunnies and maybe even butterflies love, so I leave it unmowed. Oh how they all love that clover.

One pre-mow job I’m not looking forward to is de-pooping a winter’s worth of offerings in the fenced dog area. The area is too large to attend to daily, so the you-know-what builds up over the winter months like a huge naturally made (organic?) vinarterta. In alternating layers, snow, dog doo, snow, dog doo, snow, dog doo — I think you get the picture — then come spring it melts through a layer at a time til it all ends up resting on the grass, awaiting pickup.

Did I mention it’s great to have grandchildren?

Mower idea! Maybe I could mount like a 60-inch mower deck to my ’74 Honda CL 360. Now that would be a fun way to get the job done. And I could mow at 100 miles per hour. Mosquitoes can’t fly that fast. This has potential.

Then there’s the big moral question that comes into mowing now. Do I spray the area I mow for dandelions or just let them grow because the bees and so on really need them? I let ’em grow, but still mow, they come back very quickly. Besides I love the look of them. Don’t even mind the look of eight million little white puffs of seed dancing off in the wind.

I’m absolutely sure my neighbours don’t mind a bit. That’s my position and I’m sticking to it.

I’ve also been considering adopting a goat or cow for grass maintenance. Show me any other mower that very quickly turns what it mows into fertilizer and then spreads it. Yeah, two brilliant ideas in one column. Perfect, my work for today is done. Happy Easter!

Comments or feedback, love to hear from you!

lmustard1948@gmail.com