What tools are required by DIY renovators who want to do small repairs and upgrades to their homes?
When asked this question by a friend, it seemed to me the answer was straightforward: a 20-ounce framing hammer, a roofing hammer, an eight-ounce detail hammer, sharp crosscut and rip handsaws, a mitre-box, a plane, drill bits and a hand-powered drill as well as chisels, screw drivers, Allen wrenches and, of course, a tape measure, bubble level and steel square. However, as suggested by Clint Eastwood's curmudgeonly DIY character in the movie Gran Torino, a pair of Vise-Grips and a roll of duct tape are all you really need.
While at work on a modest renovation to my home recently, I slightly modified the above list to include a reversible, cordless 18-volt Bosch drill -- pricey, but the best. After further thought and effort, I scrubbed the 20-ounce hammer in favour of a pneumatic framing nailer, replaced the roofing hammer with a coil nailer and dropped the detail hammer in favour of an air-powered brad nailer, all made by Paslode -- again, pricey, but the best.
As the reno progressed, I made further conservative adjustments to the list, nixing the crosscut saw and mitre-box in favour of a Bosch 12-inch chop saw. I also vetoed the rip saw after an arduous go at a 14-foot length of lumber that left me wheezing. In the handsaw's place, I added a 10-inch General cabinet saw because it was faster and so much more accurate than the accursed handsaw.
Further into my reno, it struck me an electric router, though noisy and terrifying to operate, was a more versatile tool than a bunch of carpenter's chisels and a plane that required daily honing to maintain a desirable cutting edge. I dumped the chisels and plane into the dark hole of historical artifacts and purchased a half-inch Bosch router that included a set of gleaming carbide-tipped bits that only need to be sharpened once a decade. I won't go into detail about the myriad tasks that can be accomplished with this fearsome diabolus, only words of warning: Always wear safety goggles and Kevlar armour when operating this machismo, and never let it out of your grip when it is running, unless you find the Tasmanian devil of Bugs Bunny notoriety hilarious to watch when he's out of control.
Another part of my renovation required five-inch deck screws to be driven into aged fir rafters. After twisting two of the 80-odd screws into the concrete-like wood by hand, I forsook my No. 2 Robertson screwdriver for a No. 2 Robertson bit, locking it into the chuck of my cordless Bosch drill. A similar fate befell my Phillips screwdriver (often referred to as a McPhillips in Manitoba) when it became necessary during the reno to use these inferior U.S.-designed screws, recognizable by a cross-shaped slot machined into the head. Because they were adopted for use by the U.S. auto industry in 1936, Phillips screws have become the most commonly used fasteners throughout the world, according to an American Internet site.
You have encountered Phillips screws if you have purchased and attempted to assemble furniture designed by IKEA or its comparatively smaller Danish competitor, JYSK. Though the Swedish giant usually provides the tools with which to put together its minimalist furniture, I suspect some saboteur from a rival may be substituting incorrect screwdrivers, Allen wrenches and structural wood pieces for the proper ones. By the way, the Allen wrench was allegedly invented by an American named Heublein, who may have had a fetish for hexagons and the letter L, according to a popular T.V. show. Why the tool is named the Allen wrench remains a poser because Heublein's given names were Gilbert and Ruprecht.
Not to dwell on IKEA, but I do have a couple of tips for renovators to speed up the 20 or so minutes it takes to assemble any of this company's products. First, if the product includes an Allen wrench, hack saw off the leg of the L to create a straight hexagonal rod that can be chucked into your cordless drill. The drill will make quick work of an otherwise long and arduous screwing job. Second, for the same reason, if the product includes a Phillips screwdriver, hack off the handle to create a straight bit that can be chucked into your cordless drill. An added thought: Check that all the pieces of the cabinet or bookcase or whatever are in the packing box and that they conform to the easy-to-decipher diagram provided. I once spent hours trying to assemble an IKEA bookcase, only to discover it had two left sides.
Returning to my own reno, I made further adjustments to the list of hand tools recommended at the beginning of this story by culling out the bubble level, mitre-box and steel square, replacing them with a super accurate, battery-operated laser level and a $10 calculator. Who needs to read a tome on the Practical Uses of the Steel Square Vol. III when you can figure out the compound angle of a jack rafter by punching numbers into a handheld computer; then cutting the rafters with a chop saw, not with a low-tech mitre-box? Furthermore, laying out stair runners with a steel square is, OMG, so old school. Today, you can buy them pre-made of wood, steel and space-age polymer at any big box store.
In conclusion, the end of all my searching for a comprehensive set of hand tools was to return to the beginning and know it for the first time: This is no longer the Age of Aquarius. It's the Age of Power. My advice to my friend is to plug in or drop out. If you insist on following your dream of becoming a home handyman, you can take Clint Eastwood's character's advice; however, my own experience suggests that Vise-Grips and duct tape are only useful for removing light bulbs from rusty sockets or patching drywall.
