This column is about how to cut down a dead or living tree threatening to fall on your home or, worse, your neighbour's new deck and spa.
Before you read on, please consider this caveat: In this politically correct world, it's difficult to write a renovation/DIYer column without offending some of you.
For example, if you are a tree hugger -- a human who believes he/she is a tree trapped inside a human body and wishes to be surgically transformed into, say, a Manitoba maple -- you will object to the content of this article. Please stop here.
A DIY tree remover requires a hard hat equipped with a safety screen and ear protectors, steel-toed boots, work gloves, a limbing saw, a chain saw (with a sharp chain), an extension ladder and, most of all, a desire to save money. (Check your insurance policy before proceeding.)
I used to believe a tree fell in the direction you expected it to fall, as ascertained by a circumnavigation of the victim, noting its natural lean and the distribution of its branches. However, after 30 years of cutting firewood, I have come to believe a tree is a wily creature capable of willfully falling in the direction opposite to which you had planned it would fall, despite or to spite your meticulous calculations. It is good fortune we humans are the most highly evolved (religious people please do not take offense at this reference to Darwinism) creatures on the planet with the cerebral horsepower to put a man on the moon or invent the pet rock. We are like the Road Runner who constantly outwits the less intelligent Wile E. Coyote by (apologies to those who find this cartoon too violent) utilizing our computer-like minds to deceive flora and fauna of lower order.
Now, to get to the meat of this column (sorry, vegans and vegetarians), you should add a safety feature to your extension ladder by tying a length of old seat belt material to each rail at the top of the ladder. Leave some slack so the material will form an arc that will conform to the curvature of the tree's trunk. This simple trick prevents the top rung of the ladder from sliding back and forth on the trunk, a disconcerting movement when you are three or more metres above terra firma, believe me. Another tip is to encircle the tree trunk and yourself with a sturdy rope or a couple of leather (cows are only sacred in India) belts linked together. This gives you something to lean back on when you remove upper branches with your limbing saw, an ingenious invention with an electric or gas powered hedge-trimmer-like device attached to the top. As a committed DIYer, I made my own fossil fuel saving model from a steel pipe and a sharp bow saw.
Wearing your safety equipment and with your ladder placed at a lean of about 75 degrees, mount the first rung, slowly moving upward with your limbing saw in hand. About halfway up, give the ladder a very slight wiggle to ensure it is solidly positioned. Never stand on the top rung of any ladder; the fourth rung from the top is as high as you should proceed, according to a firefighter friend.
"Too much weight at the top can cause the bottom to kick out," he said, adding a person with one foot on the bottom rung should be in position at all times. If the base is grass or soil, a ladder with spiked feet is preferable; a two by four nailed to a deck or wooden platform will also prevent back slide.
Your pole saw will extend your reach when loping off "widow-makers," dead or nearly dead branches that can break off while you are in the process of cutting the tree near the butt with your chain saw.
Once you have established the tree's line of fall (as discussed earlier), removed widow-makers, cleared the area and created an uncluttered escape route for yourself, make a horizontal cut about two and a half feet from the ground on the side of the tree where you want it to fall. The cut should be 1/3 of the way into the trunk. A second angle cut (about 60 degrees) beginning about five inches above the first one is then made; the result should be a removable wedge-shaped piece of wood. A horizontal back -cut is then made on the opposite side of the tree about two inches above the intersection of the wedge cuts. The tree should begin to fall when the saw's kerf is a couple of inches from the "hinge" or wedge intersection. As soon as you see the tree begin to totter, make your escape. Sometimes a deeper cut is required to remove more wood from the hinge before the tree will fall. When it does, yell "timber," shut off the chain saw and skedaddle. (Apologies to wordsmiths for using a colloquialism such as skedaddle, but it seemed appropriate.)
Chain saws, safety equipment and ladders can be rented from Home Depot stores in Winnipeg.
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